Surrounding yourself with passionate people

From a very young age, I was always drawn to rodeo. I loved the excitement of the crowd, the anticipation of what was going to happen in the next run and, of course, the thrill of watching people that I idolized compete. As I got older and became friends with many people that competed, I realized that my love for rodeo runs a bit deeper.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love me some cowboys but it’s more than just the hats and chaps that really make my heart flutter. It’s the PASSION. The flame that burns inside each and every competitor. Very few people in this world are willing to put everything on the line to follow a dream. I don’t know very many professions where you travel across the country to compete, sometimes making money but more often than not spending it faster than it’s coming in. All to achieve one goal, one dream. Many people say that cowboys never grow up. That they hold onto their youth because they’re not ready to face the real world. But who’s to say that the “real world” means working a 9-5 and settling down to raise a family. Personally, I think it’s more admirable to know from a very young age who you are, what you want to be, and be willing to do everything in your power to see that goal to fruition.

You don’t come across that sort of power or determination very often. Now that’s not say that passionate people don’t exist in all realms of life because they certainly do and that is where my lesson comes in. Do your best to surround yourself with passionate people. It’s contagious I promise. How you measure and determine success is solely up to you and, while I understand rodeo may not be your forte, I guarantee you won’t have to look very far to find something that is and find the people that do it with all of their heart and soul.

You see, that’s what I think we all should strive for. We should all want to make our passions become our life’s work. The world would be a much better place if everyone was able to hold that fiery spirit and truly believe in the work that they’re doing. When you place yourself around mediocre people you will catch yourself performing mediocre and that isn’t good for anything. Always strive to rise. Surround yourself that push you to do your best and never stop searching for what sets your heart on fire.

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5 Reasons why it’s hard to be the girl that’s easy to fall in love with but never stays.

It sounds crazy I know. One of my coworkers tells me all the time, “Oh it must be so hard to be pretty.” I always laugh it off but in the back of my mind, I know that it’s deeper than that. According to societal norms, I’m supposed to be emotionally fragile and wear my heart on my sleeve. I’m supposed to be sitting around waiting for my prince charming to come and sweep me off my feet, or at least that’s what every fairytale has said. In reality, many times I am hoping that men won’t pursue me because marriage isn’t the first thing on my mind when I meet a man. I also know that this will probably end in heartbreak, and more often than that it’s not my heart that will do the shattering.

This is an enormous burden and one that not many people think of. I’ve come up with a list of 5 reasons why it’s hard for you to be that girl. If you are that girl, know that I am with you, and I know your struggles. If you know that girl, pray for her. I can honestly say she never chose that path for herself and doesn’t necessarily know how or when to end the cycle.

So here it goes:

  1. You know how to love. Let’s face it. Knowing how to love is not the hard part for people like you. You’re really good at going through the motions but at the end of the day knowing how and being in are two vastly different things.
  2. You hate hurting people. You aren’t intentionally out to be malicious or treat men poorly. In fact, you truly hate to let people down and in some sense, you have a feeling of failure. You’ve dealt with the tears and the anger (not those of your own) and felt the pang of guilt as you let yet another innocent soul down.
  3. You know the hurt is inevitable. You know it’s not going to work. You probably let it drag on much longer than it should. You secretly hope that you’ll wake up one day and won’t have those feelings, but you know that’s not going to happen. Most importantly, you know how strongly they feel about you and you know that since you cannot reciprocate those feelings, you have to let them go so they can find the person that they thought you were.
  4. You’re always guarded. With every new person you meet and every new relationship you forge those that you’ve hurt are always in the back of your mind. You hold out hope that this could be the one, but you know in your heart that it’s just going to end the same way. For that reason, you only give a part of yourself. A part that you’re not afraid to lose if things go south. You protect yourself from getting too involved or trusting too much because in letting people go a few times you have broken your own heart and that’s the worst pain of all.
  5. You’re afraid that one day when you do find that person, you’ll let them go because you’re too used to pushing people away. It becomes a habit. You don’t let people get too close and when they do you don’t let them stay for very long. This creates an internal fear that you’ll never find true happiness. You might meet “the one” or maybe you already met him but you messed it up and he’s gone. Regret is the most painful word of all and one that you’ve been running from for quite some time.

All this being said, things are not hopeless. I truly believe that God has prepared someone for each of us. However, I also know that you choose the path that you take and just as you could choose to find him and keep him you could choose to lose him. Pretty scary right? Have faith. Don’t give up and definitely know that you’re not alone.

XOXO,

The girl who never stays

matt-duncan-127528Photo by Matt Duncan on Unsplash

Letting Go of the Ones You’ve Loved Along the Way.

Letting go. Something I have never been particularly good at. Maybe it’s because of my competitive nature or maybe just my foolish pride, but it’s something I have been painfully aware of since high school. So many times when I end a relationship or a friendship, I never truly let go. I continue to keep up with their lives, reach out at times of weakness or maybe even ruin what I have going in the present because of thinking about the “what ifs” of the past.

Now I know your first thought is probably well DUH that’s what happens when someone ends a relationship and you don’t have closure. But in my case, only one of my relationships has actually ended in someone else breaking my heart. Typically, I run before that can happen. I’ve always found it easier to break my own heart before I hurt someone else. Seems heroic but in reality, it’s pretty selfish.

Now you might be wondering where this is coming from. I don’t mind telling you, but I will say it kind of stings even as I’m writing these words. Tonight as I was wasting time watching Grey’s Anatomy and scrolling through Facebook (my normal night routine) I stumbled upon an ex of mine who just so happened to have gotten engaged over the holidays. This particular ex came into my life when I was 16, reappeared at 18 and again at 22 & 23 but I haven’t talked to him in several months. Needless to say, I was not ready for the feeling that I felt deep inside. Like someone was shoving needles in my stomach. That really caught me off guard and got me thinking about what it is that bothered me so much. Was it that I still have feelings for him? Was it that I still felt some sort of possessiveness towards him? We have both moved on and never could’ve made it work. Why do I even care?

And then I realized. I struggle with finality, with the feeling of being trapped. If you’ve been keeping up with my blog you’ve probably read about my issues with commitment (see my marriage post) or my fear of settling (see my post on feeling lost) But, one thing I think I also struggle with is the feeling that if some doors shut in my life my options become limited, and I feel as if I’m beginning to be left with no choice. That’s a helpless feeling. One that someone as independent and hard-headed as me has a hard time handling.

If I’m truly being honest, I feel too much. I may not act like it and I certainly won’t talk about it, but deep down it hits me to the core. And that’s something I need to work on. I need to work on expressing my feelings more and being truly honest with myself. But most importantly, I need to work on letting go. This feeling wasn’t about him. More so, that I never made myself deal with the finality  If you’re reading these words and they’re really hitting home know that I am with you. I am feeling what you feel and you better bet I’m praying for you and for myself as we take this journey together.

Job 17:9 the righteous shall move onward and forward; those with pure hearts shall become stronger and stronger.

Feeling lost in the world.

Don’t you wish that you had a way of knowing how your life will turn out? Where you’re going to settle down, who you’re going to marry, when you’re going to have kids, etc.. Like you could just look at some crystal ball and automatically know what the future has in store for you. While some feel as if that would ruin all the fun and adventure in life, those of us that are planners would truly find it ideal and refreshing!

You see, I’ve always had a problem with settling. In fact, I have moved (at least into a new house) every year since I graduated high school. Staying in one place scares me to death! I feel as if I am sedentary for too long I’m going to lose a part of me that I’ve always treasured: my gypsy soul. Now that’s not to say I have a problem with a traditional lifestyle because I do like a bit of a routine and knowing that I have a stable environment, but there’s always a part of me that strives for more. If I had a way of knowing when the time is right to stay in one place maybe it wouldn’t be so scary. Maybe I wouldn’t always question where I’m at in life.

Truth is, I’ve been guilty of being the person that when the new wears off of a place or a person, I go off in pursuit of something better. I think you can look at this in two ways, both as an admirable trait and also, as a character flaw. While you should always strive for better and never “settle”, you should also know when the time is right to let those little wings rest and find a place to call home. At this point, the lyrics to Miranda Lambert’s “Running Just in Case” should be blaring in your head.

What I lost in Lubbock, Texas
I looked for in all the rest
But I guess no one ever taught me how to stay
It ain’t love that I’m chasing
But I’m running just in case

Hear the full song here.

So while normally I try to come through with some inspiring advice in my posts that help guide you on your journey, this time I don’t have any. This time it is my struggle. Figuring out where I want to be, what I want to do, and who I want to be with is a daunting task. I will get through it, I always do. I’d like to think that I always end up on the right path. But, we both know that humans make mistakes and there’s no way I haven’t fallen off the path at least a time or twelve. But anyone that’s a gypsy knows that when those things hit you, you just have to roll with the punches and keep those feet (or those wheels) a moving.

I’ll leave you with this. A quote that I’ve always clung to. Maybe it’s what I use to justify my transient lifestyle or maybe it just reinforces my desire to always live with passion, which I’ll get to later. But here it is:

“be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire” -Jennifer Lee 

rawpixel-com-442650 (1)Photo by rawpixel.com on Unsplash

 

Being the girl who doesn’t want to get married.

Who doesn’t love weddings? The engagements, the RINGS, the bachelorette parties, the ceremony, and, most importantly, the receptions! Don’t get me wrong, I love a good wedding but at the same time I just am not sure that’s something that I foresee in my future. Sure I would love to have the fairytale romance, the day just for me and my significant other and yadda yadda yadda but is that really all there is to love?

Now I know what you’re thinking, “oh great another person that thinks it’s just a piece of paper and that it has no real meaning at all” or maybe along the lines of, “Fantastic, another woman stomping on the idea of marriage because she is so miserable in her own life that she’d never be able to get engaged let alone find someone to marry her!” Don’t worry ladies, I’ve been that person and probably thought those same things at one time or another. But that’s where I would tell you that you’re wrong. In fact, I’ve had to break off 2 engagements. Not something I am proud of by any means, but I am also a firm believer in being accountable for my actions and not running from my past.

Truth is, I believe in the absolute sanctity of marriage. I think that it is beautiful and meaningful and something so sacred. I love getting to watch my friends, family, and peers flourish in their relationships. But for me hearing that man and wife shall become one flesh and what God put together let no man separate, chills me to the bone! Seriously. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding last November and my knees started shaking as they said their vows. Don’t get me wrong I was immensely happy for the couple, I just wasn’t sure that I could ever see myself standing at the alter professing my undying love for another individual in front of God and everybody. That’s real stuff people!

On another hand, part of my fear of marriage, I will admit, is the scary thought of divorce. I have heard over and over again that the reason divorce is so common these days is that people no longer fight for their marriages, instead, they take the easy way out. There is no part of me, however, that believes divorce is the easy way. Now I’m not going to discredit that line of thinking entirely because I do believe that some people see the rough patches of a relationship as deal-breakers, instead, of believing in their spouse and working every day to get back to the reason they were married in the first place and all that good stuff. However, I do believe that many people that get divorced perhaps should not have been married in the first place. GASP! I know. I went there. I said that, but it’s true. I feel as if too often two people decide to get married because it’s the “next” step in their relationship or in their life. It’s what fits into their “plan”. You can find out how I feel about plans in my first post here. When in all actuality, if they were being truly honest with themselves, they would admit that they never saw that person as being their soulmate or their life partner at all but rather they had a plan, they wanted children, they were 25 for goodness sake!

I know I am making a joke out of a very serious matter but I really feel like that is the root of the problem these days. As for myself, I am in no way against the idea of marriage nor am I stating that I will never get married or that you shouldn’t either. Instead, I am saying take the time you need. Enjoy dating. Understand that it’s okay to not know for sure. Everything will happen in time. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and one that you’ll get to spend the rest of your life growing and learning about. So, what’s the rush?

Life isn’t always what it seems, but it’s worth it.

Growing up, I always thought there was some magical age that you reach and BAM you automatically know who you are, what you’re going to do as a career, and whom you’re destined to be with. It’s sort of like a board game. You reach a certain point and suddenly you get the money, the family, and the life you were “meant” to have. However, at 22, fresh out of college, no idea what I was going to do for a career, and with a one-year-old nonetheless (I’ll get to that later) I suddenly, and much to my disdain, had the realization that I was nowhere close to having it all together. In fact, I realized that many of the individuals that I had looked up to my entire life, even those much older than myself, were really all just winging it. They were nervous in their finances, stressed in their marriages, and strained in their roles as parents and mentors.

Now, this certainly is not the picture that I had in my head of adulthood, especially at age 17. 17 year old me, she was a rock star. She exuded confidence and had a detailed plan for how she was going to achieve her goals. Bless the heart of anyone who tried to tell her differently. You can imagine my shock when I hit this pivotal age and realized that everything I had believed up until this point was wrong. Nothing in life is for certain. While I certainly believe that God has a plan for everyone, that certainly doesn’t mean he is going to come straight down and hand you the life you “deserve”. You have to earn it, work towards it, choose it. Most of all, you have to accept that things don’t always go according to your plan. Hate to break it to ya sister, it’s not your plan that matters, it’s His.

“It’s not your plan that matters, it’s His.”

Through decisions (both good and bad), God’s grace, and a few tears you will get to where you’re supposed to be. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s where it stops. The choices you make and the adventures you take will ultimately tell your story. More importantly, do not let a status quo define who you are and who you were meant to be. Just because you thought you would be married by 22 or at least have kids by 30, or maybe assumed you’d own a home or land your dream job, doesn’t mean that is what is going to happen nor does it mean you have failed if you don’t make these “deadlines”. My advice to you, from someone who has learned the hard way, is to just live. Every single day is both a challenge and a blessing. You may never have it all figured out and that is perfectly okay.

 

andreas-wagner-43674Photo by Andreas Wagner on Unsplash